Today, I will be talking about something different.
The preconception that “the mother-in-law and wife relationship is always terrible and should be avoided in marriage,” is a misconception”.
I went talking to a lot of ladies about their thoughts about their mother-in-law. I was shocked because so many of them gave frightening responses. Some of them told me that “they wish their mother-in-law would die before they get into their husband’s house” as if they would never grow old,
some said that “their mother-in-law would not have a say in their own home”
and some others said “that their mothers-in-law would not be allowed into their house for long”
while some said “both their mother and their mother-in-law would not have a say or stay in their home” na this one shock me pass.
This discussion got me thinking, so many of our ladies have this misconception about their mothers-in-law.
Here is the tricky part (because I’m sure they never thought of it)
“imagine you are much older and your son’s wife to be is aying all this or praying all your current thoughts about your mother in law to you. Are You Safe?”.
Yes! The relationship between the mothers-in-law and wives and is very difficult, tricky and sometimes not existing or fake, but it can also be sweet, straight forward and real.
The mysterious solution behind this problem is love, patience and understanding. The truth is, there would never be a time for your mother in law to cease interfering in your marriage. She is the mother of the man you married and the reason he is the man you can marry.
Once you have accepted that notion, you then stick to love, which is to be kind and love her irrespective of her challenges. No matter how arrogant, self-servicing loving, caring, comforting or wicked she might be, you meet her with love and respect. why? because you love and respect your husband. It might be hard if she is a force of negativity (that is why it is important to get to know the family of the man you want to marry at least one year before marriage).
This is when patience comes in; to endure all the evil she brings to the table. You have to hold on to your emotions, having a grip on them; this is to ensure you do not break down on any challenge. Hold on to your husband and discuss these issues with him in a very mature and wise way. Now in the case where your husband hangs on to every word of his mother i.e. the MUMMY’s boy, you have to be extra smart and then extremely prayerful. Here you need the help of GOD to get on with the affairs of your home, your husband and then the relationship between you and your mother-in-law. Also seek advice from not just one elder but a lot of elders, in which you can compare all their advice
Once you have wisdom and knowledge about your situation and how to handle whatever situation you are in with your mother-in-law, you can now apply the principle of understanding, yes! Understanding that all things work together for the good of those who love GOD and are called to his purpose. You then understand that your marriage is designed and ordained by GOD and nothing and no one can put asunder, where you also understand that GOD is the third person in your marriage and not your mother-in-law, so you don’t have to hate her but embrace her in love and therefore treating her the way you treat your mother.
I hope I have been able to help with some of the issues you have with your mothers-in-law: if you want additional counselling on particular issues you can share on the comment sections or use the contact me page.
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More Advice from Dr Phil
- The other woman in every man’s life is his mother. If your husband starts in with: “Well, my mother does it this way …” then tell him to go over and sleep with her. (false: you don’t be rude)
- If a wife has a problem with her mother-in-law, it’s the husband who needs to step in and help fix it. Likewise, if a husband doesn’t see eye-to-eye with his in-laws, his wife needs to step in. The person with the primary relationship (the son or daughter, not the in-law) needs to be the messenger. (correct)
- Negotiate with your partner the role that you want your in-laws to have. Don’t assume you’re on the same page until you talk about it. (very important)
- Try not to criticize your spouse for his/her relationship with his/her parents. It may only lead to more clinginess or complications. (very true)
- You need to love your parents and have a rich and active relationship with them, but any time that you turn away from your partner to resolve a relationship issue, that’s a bad thing. If you have a problem in the marriage, you need to resolve it in the marriage. (very true)
- Keep in mind that your parents only know what you tell them. If you go to them every time you’re angry and frustrated and having problems in your marriage, they hear that, but they don’t hear when you make up. (that’s a big issue)