The Road From Yesterday

The Road From Yesterday

Wow,

I’m a year older! it’s surreal.

I reflect on my life and I see how strong I have been. The road has not been smooth. I expect myself to be at a different level than where I am right now. I am so full of ambition and I feel so crushed that I haven’t achieved anything yet.

At this age, oh I had imagined the empire I would be controlling, the amazing, loving, sexy arm candy, I call my husband or the amazing ladies I have spent a great part impacting. That is the life I thought I would be having right now.

Instead, I am a Junior Executive in the career I choose, 2 failed businesses and slowly crawling to create a new business with so much fear of failure but trying to be brave and pushing through. single with a heart fearful to love, in so much financial mess that would make a broke man rejoice, and well hope.

So with hope, I reflect on the internal and external things I had struggled with, the emotional rollercoasters I had experienced. My road to salvation, De-salvation and Re-salvation. lol.  I can only bless God.

I bless God for how he has dealt with me. of how he has stood by me, being my strength, through depression, to pain, through sickness, through the fear, through it all. Without it, I would have died by something or by my hand. So you can’t blame me if I carry his matter for my head.

I have made too many mistakes. So many that it would take a book for me to say how I overcame them and I am still struggling with them.

At first, I was scared of this next chapter of my life. I was scared of how to face tomorrow looking at my current achievements based on my expectations and the expectations of the people around me.

But really, that’s too much weight to carry on my plump shoulders. I am trying to remove the fat there, not add invisible emotional and mental loads on it.

I have decided to be free! free of the cares of public opinion.

So let me apologise ahead of this next chapter of my life.

• Forgive me if I live my life regardless of the opinions you have about me
• Forgive me if you pick a fight with me and I don’t pick it with you.
• Forgive me if I zone out of the conversation we are having because I careless
• Forgive me if I put myself first (well after God) in everything
• Forgive me if I don’t think being the girl who struggles with you is the way to show I am emotionally supportive.
• Forgive me if I fall in love as many times as I want.
• Forgive me when I see that shoe or bag and I buy them, but I only have 5 Naira in the bank (i deserve it)
• Forgive me if I stand on the ground that I deserve to love, cherish and be protected but you interpret it as “my standards are too high” (i am a wonderful woman and I shouldn’t be treated less)
• Forgive me if all I want to do is lay on the beach sands and make a sand angel.
• Forgive me if I feel pretty all the time but you think I am proud.
• Forgive me when I do all these and more because I just want to breathe.

Breathe Popoola Alexandria Bukola, breathe.

Let’s celebrate this new year together!

Something new is coming to my blog. Get ready.